So, I realize it's been over a YEAR since I posted on here, and honestly probably very few people will ever find this, but if I have an avenue to proclaim God's praises I'm gonna use it...
On this past Thursday, I had a mammogram scheduled to have them check on a lump I'd found. Life had been so busy that I hadn't even thought much about it until I was in the car on the way to the clinic and began feeling really nervous. I checked in, got my cape on and got the mammogram done. Not fun, but part of being a girl, I suppose. After that, the doctor needed to do an ultrasound of the lump just to be thorough. When he was doing the ultrasound I could see it. A black speckled lump that the doctor stared at and began taking measurements of. I was still not totally aware of what was going on. He finishes and says to me, "I'm not going to lie. I'm very concerned about this lump in your breast and would like to perform a needle biopsy right now to confirm my suspicion."
Wait, what?? Breathe, Jessica...just breathe.
I called Todd and told him the reader's digest version of things and asked him to pick up Owen from school for me since I'd be late. He was shocked and really concerned that I was at the appointment by myself.
I waited for what seemed like an eternity to start the biopsy and just started praying. I called my mom to let her know also and then just waited. Suddenly everyone in the office started treating me very gingerly and looking at me with a twinge of sadness in their eyes. I mean, I'm 33!?! This can't be happening.
They finally started the biopsy (not fun at all, by the way) and I asked the doctor to be straight with me. What were the chances that this was indeed the "C" word?? He said, "I think I made myself clear. I believe you have breast cancer. It's the size of a large raisin. It doesn't appear from the ultrasound to have travelled to your lymph nodes, so hopefully you'll just need a lumpectomy and radiation to take care of it. A speed bump in your life."
A speed bump. What, like JV cancer?
He finishes the biopsy and leaves me to get dressed and said he'd be in to chat with me one last time before I left. I look at the counter and there is a paper with instructions on how to care for my biopsy site and a long stemmed pink rose. I didn't want it, but know they were just trying to be nice.
The doctor came in one last time to reassure me that he believed we'd caught it early and would call me within the next 24 - 48 hours with my biopsy results. I asked him not to call me until Saturday since I had a big day on Friday that I didn't want clouded by being glued to my phone. I asked him one last time. "Is there any way this isn't cancer?" His reply was, "I know what I saw. I mean, I guess I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. I'm really sorry."
The next 24-48 hours could have been horrible, but by God's providence my good friend Sarah was getting married and it would be the perfect thing to make the time pass by without dwelling on my circumstances. And it was perfect. I nearly completely forgot about everything while at the rehearsal dinner, getting ready the next day, and enjoying their amazing wedding. But then the wedding was over. And I got scared. Todd was such a rock for me. He let me cry and talk it out, all the while being so confident that our God is good...whether it's cancer or not. But also He is powerful and sovereign and is in control over what this turns out to be.
The next morning we got ready to spend the whole day together and I saw a voicemail on my phone. It was from the doctor and it said that he had "good news...no, great news for you".
When I called him back the first thing he said to me was that he was in shock. He said that he spent the better part of Friday after getting the results looking over my scans and pictures and that he would have said the same thing again. That's what it looked like, but the biopsy came back benign. He said that in his entire career he'd done over 10,000 biopsies and has been wrong twice. My case was the second time. I told him that I believe God changed the results.
Praise the Lord. God is good. But that would have been the case even if He had decided to allow this for me. He's always good and always in control. My life doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Him and had He asked me to go through this for His glory I would have. But it's not His plan for me today and for that I am grateful..